he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
