id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
