No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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