I've blown a few things in my day
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
