tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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