talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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