booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
