Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel like a drive thru vagina
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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