i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
did i just pee glitter
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
