so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
