how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
