When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
