you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
