hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
