Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
