Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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