How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
