I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
