The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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