Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
