It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
