Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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