jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
