Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
