she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
