I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dignity is for republicans.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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