Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
