I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
