Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
