the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
