i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i think i have two assholes
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
