careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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