Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
