Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
