You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
