I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
