you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
