I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
