I heard we made out
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
