Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
