Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
