do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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