We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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