there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
