yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
