my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
