i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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