i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
