U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
