I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
