Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
