those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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