I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
