your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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